Pope Excommunicates Trump

Vatican City––Pope Francis announced today that he is excommunicating Donald Trump. “I know he’s not a Catholic,” said the pontiff, “but what the hell. I felt like doing it.” In response, Donald Trump told the pope that if ISIS attacks the Vatican, he won’t lift a finger to help. Trump also said a religious leader should not be commenting on a person’s religious beliefs, calling it “disgraceful.” At the core of this dust up is the war between two religions, the Roman Catholic Church and Trumpism. “This goddam pope is a pain in the ass,” said Trumpist spokesman and conservative leader Rev. Rob Patterson. “He’s fucking undoing everything we Republicans have done in the past eight years, not to mention what we plan to do in the future. He’s an obstructionist.”